I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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