my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
