i think i have herpe
just one?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
