My Higher Power is John Stamos
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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