are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
