So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
