You're completely useless in the revolution.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
