Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
