When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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