weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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