I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
