i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
