hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
