It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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