I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
