peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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