My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
