shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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