I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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