Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
