I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
