Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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