You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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