He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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