She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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