So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
