i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
