just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
