come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
