She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
