we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
