woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We have started to decorate penises.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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