Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
