I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
