how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
