butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
