how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just google imaged poop.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
