I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
