Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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