why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sorry about my life...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
