Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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