Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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