There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
