Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize