I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
