I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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