Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
