I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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