Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
And then he peed in my hair
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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