I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
