She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
