another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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