I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My life is pants optional.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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