OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
