the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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