I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
