It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
