You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
