Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
