What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
