I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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