Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
