I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
