at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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