I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
