cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
