that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
