she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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