brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So. Much. Porn.
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