look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
