first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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