I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
