Quick, to the slutcave!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
