he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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