she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
