I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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