I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
