What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
